Simplemindednews is your quick stop for all the important news and commentary.

Ecology

Global Warming Crisis:  Cold iguanas are dropping out the trees in Southern Florida.  Don’t fear, they’re not all dead.  Experts say that many are just in a suspended state of animation.  Elsewhere in the animal kingdom, the Center for Biological Diversity in Albuquerque, NM is raising awareness to the extinction crisis by offering free wildlife ringtones.  So far, 100,000 have been uploaded, but there is no report as of yet to how this is impacting the critical populations of any particular species.  Just the other day I was startled by the mating call of an Arctic Beluga Whale resounding from someone’s Motorola Razor.  I’m sure someone in that room pulled out a checkbook and made a contribution to preserve their habitat.  Not me.  I was looking for the dead Chihuahua. 

Polotics

Remember the girl who took a shot at President Ford?  Sarah Jane Moore went to jail for life as a result of her failed assassination attempt.  Somewhere along the lines the definition of life must have been reinterpreted.  At 77 years old, she was released from her prison home in Dublin, CA.  Elsewhere, Anderson, Indiana elected a new mayor.  The new leader has been sworn in and is ready to move into his new office.  There is a problem however.  The ex-mayor, Kevin Smith refuses to leave.  Other ex-politicians are making protest in France.  Failed presidential candidate and destroyer of Mac Donalds, Jose Bove is refusing to eat until France outlaws genetically modified corn.   This 50 something year old sheep farmer went into training for the strike by eating nothing but vegetable soup for several days.   I’ll be keeping my eye on this story.  Wagers are already being placed on how many days he’ll make it till gives in.  I’ve put $20 down on 27 days at 17:1 odds. 

Arts

Paul Stanley of KISS has a good attitude about his art:  “My success in one field gets my foot in the door in another – but you’re free to slam the door on my foot.” Basically, what he’s saying is this: “My art stinks, but people buy it because I played guitar in KISS.”   I appreciate the honesty.

Other News

Maybe you remember having an odd uncle.  If so, the FBI wants to hear about it.  It could be D.B. Cooper.  Personally, I don’t know what any of my uncles were doing in ’71, so I’ve sent all their names in for investigation.  In Ardmore, Oklahoma, 38 year old Tony Willis was arrested and charged for assault with a deadly pork chop bone.  The injured man was found bleeding from a pork chop shaped hole in his kneck.

http://www.miamiherald.com/news/breaking_news/story/365463.html, http://www.kfor.com/Global/story.asp?S=7568293 , http://www.theindychannel.com/news/14960122/detail.html , http://www.newsday.com/news/nationworld/wire/sns-ap-france-militant-farmer,0,1876944.story , http://www.newsday.com/news/nationworld/wire/sns-ap-environmental-ringtones,0,7096930.story , http://www.exploreli.com/entertainment/localguide/ny-xli-ontap,0,2930024.story?coll=ny_wire_utility , http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/L/LOOKING_FOR_COOPER?SITE=FLTAM&SECTION=US , http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/A/ASSAILANT_RELEASED?SITE=FLTAM&SECTION=US ,